They Have Only Good Weather Because They Control Everything
In a parallel universe, the weather is always nice, but there is a price for playing God.(Interdimensional Talks -Episode 16)
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The only fictional radio show in the world broadcasting across the universe and the multiverse. Listen in as we talk to the most diverse bunch of guests you can possibly imagine. We’re talking aliens, ethereal beings, artificial intelligence, and even humans from parallel universes.
Suspend your disbelief, open your mind, and join us on a journey of fascinating exploration of ideas. Grab a drink and enjoy the show.
EPISODE 16: The not-so-subtle art of controlling the weather
“Ladies and gentlemen, alien and domestic, organic and inorganic, corporeal or ethereal, welcome to another episode of Interdimensional Talks. I’m your host, Mike. Today’s topic is a rather mundane one. For our show, anyway. We will be talking about the weather, believe it or not.
Today’s guest comes from a parallel universe, where they’ve not only learned to manipulate the weather—we can do that ourselves to a certain degree—but they’ve completely taken over the atmosphere with manual control. No more storms to destroy property, no more hurricanes to take lives, no more draughts to starve people, no more hail to break the crops, no more floods or snow storms, and no more rain to ruin your wedding.
Does that sound appealing to you? It sure seems convenient, doesn’t it? We live in an era where science is effectively trying to take over nature. We’re playing God, so to speak. Certain someone is trying to block off the sun, quite literally, and thinks that’s a good idea. Others send rockets into clouds to cause rainfall in the desert and call it Cloud Seeding. We can break up clouds to prevent hailstorms, and lately, we’ve begun sucking the CO2 from the atmosphere by artificial means.
I have my opinions on the topic, but this is not the place to express them. I just hope those in charge of these projects know what they’re doing. Playing God can have unintended consequences.
Enough with the introduction. Please welcome Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald from Earth 78433.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Hello, Michael.”
Mike: “Hello. Dr. Fitzgerald. Why don’t we start with a short introduction of your work and your world? If you please?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Wery well. My name is Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald, and I’m a Nobel laureate. I own hundreds of patterns and countless awards in the field of Meteorology.”
Mike: “That’s quite a resume.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Yes. It has been a fruitful five decades, indeed.”
Mike: “If you had to describe what you believe about weather manipulation in one sentence - what would you say?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “First of all, I wouldn’t call it weather manipulation. That is a derogatory term, implying something nefarious and dangerous.”
Mike: “Fair enough. So, what do you call it then?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “The weather, good Sir. Just the weather.”
Mike: “I see. How long have you been in control of the weather?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “A much more appropriate phrasing, Michael. Thank you. The beginning of weather control reaches back roughly one hundred years, but it didn’t cause a substantial impact until a few decades ago.”
Mike: “Ten, twenty, fifty years?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “It’s difficult to determine exactly when we began to control the weather, as it came in steps. First, we were able to break up storms and cause rainfall, much like in your reality, using simple ionization methods and cloud seeding.”
Mike: “If I may stop you here for a second? Could you please explain this ionization and cloud-seeding process to our audience? It’s something we use as well, and it would help greatly if such a brilliant mind could explain it to us.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “You desire a lecture, Michael? That would require more time that we have available for this interview, I’m afraid.”
Mike: “No, heavens no. Just a short explanation, please.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Wery well. As you undoubtedly know, the process for basic weather modification, which is no more than child’s play with clouds, is the artificial ionization of particles in the atmosphere.”
Mike: “I’m sorry to interrupt again, but could you dumb it down for our audience?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Are you calling your esteemed listeners dumb, good Sir?”
Mike: “I wouldn’t dream of it, Dr. Fitzgerald. I’m simply asking a great mind, such as yourself, to help explain a complicated process in a simple way for my benefit if no one else’s.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “I see what you’re doing here, Michael. I firmly believe it’s a waste of time, but I suppose a short introduction won’t hurt anyone.”
Mike: “Excellent. I’m sure we’ll all appreciate it.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “How dumb do you want this explanation?”
Mike: “Like explaining it to someone in middle school, let’s say.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Wery well. Ionization is the process where atoms or molecules either gain or lose electrons. When an atom or molecule loses or gains electrons, it becomes an ion. We achieve this by applying external energy in some form or another. In nature, it is mainly caused by cosmic rays or solar radiation.
A positive Ion, also referred to as a Cation, contains more protons than electrons, so it becomes positively charged. A negative Ion, also called Anion, is when an atom gains one or more electrons and now has more electrons than protons, so it becomes negatively charged.
Ionization can influence the weather by altering the electrical properties of the atmosphere, which can affect cloud formation, precipitation, and other weather phenomena. In simplest terms, by creating ions, scientists can encourage clouds to form and rain to fall. We use silver iodide or salt to complete the process.”
Mike: “Am, okay. Thank you for that explanation. I’m sure you did a good job, but I think it’s best if we concentrate on the practical effects of weather modification and leave the science to scientists. Would you agree, doctor?
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “I concur.”
Mike: “Excellent. If I understand you correctly, you are a society that completely manages its weather. What does that look like?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Well, avoiding scientific jargon and explaining complex systems of operation, let's say that we no longer have bad weather.”
Mike: “Meaning?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “We don’t experience extreme weather conditions like drought, hurricanes, flooding, frost, and so on. No more unnecessary storms and uneven distribution of precipitation.”
Mike: “Rainfall?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Yes, rainfall. There are no deserts on our planet, nor are there any uninhabitable areas.”
Mike: “Wow! That sounds amazing, I have to admit.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “It is a triumph of science over nature.”
Mike: “Does that also indicate that you no longer have hunger?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “We’ve successfully eliminated hunger in the previous century with the rise of agricultural development, genetic modification of crops, and farming mechanization. We can produce more food than we can consume. Haven’t you figured out agriculture and farming yet in your reality?”
Mike: “Oh, we have. Of course. Hunger is rather limited and has been lowered statistically by 90% globally. There are still pockets with problems in the world, though.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “I would assume that is a political problem, not a scientific one, then?”
Mike: “I suppose you’re right. Speaking of politics, how do you manage the weather for the whole planet?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “We have a central command center and tens of thousands of locations all over the planet, not to mention those orbiting Earth. It’s not an easy job, but we make due. We employ millions of people.”
Mike: “Impressive. I have so many questions… I’m just writing these down so I don’t forget. What I meant was, how does that work politically. Surely all countries in the world didn’t just give your oversight over the weather? Did they?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “No. Not at first. Initially, we were all individually responsible for our weather systems. As you can imagine, this led to problems on a global scale. You can’t turn the Saharan desert into green land without causing an imbalance elsewhere. We have been chasing our tails for decades before accepting that we need a unified weather management strategy and a central body of global operation. We can’t just do as we please without considering other nations.”
Mike: “And all countries just agreed to hand over control?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Unfortunately, they did not.”
Mike: “So, how did that come about? Wait, you don’t have a one-world government, do you?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “No, we do not. That would have made things unimaginably easier, but alas, we are not so fortunate. As I’ve mentioned, we struggled for decades before finding a system acceptable for all.”
Mike: “I’m sorry to prod, Dr. Fitzgerald, but I’m sensing you’re not telling me something.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Is that so?
Mike: “It is. I also don’t think that every country in the world would just willingly hand over control of something this vital to their survival and prosperity. What aren’t you telling us?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “(silence) I feel I’m being pressured into discussing matters I don’t want to talk about, Michael.”
Mike: “All I’m interested in is the truth, doctor. Nothing more, nothing less. You can’t sell us on a dream of perfect weather without helping us understand how you got there in the first place.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “I suppose that makes sense.”
Mike: “So, what happened? I’m guessing a global disaster of epic proportions as you played God and caused more damage than good?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “(reluctantly after a pause) Something like that. Initial experiments with cloud seeding were promising, but it was difficult to predict the exact results locally, much less globally. I admit we lost control when we started experimenting with blocking off the sun using orbital mirrors and playing with magnetic fields. The more we tweaked our parameters, the more chaotic everything became. It was as if every change initiates a wave of unpredictable consequences.
We tried fixing our errors by enforcing even more control over the weather patterns and temperatures, changing the temperature of the oceans, and using lasers to manipulate the atmosphere. Unfortunately, this backfired, and we achieved the opposite effect. The weather patterns became increasingly chaotic and undesirable.”
Mike: “What happened then?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Decades filled with unusual weather patterns, floods, draught, temperature fluctuations, volcanic eruptions, and even earthquakes. Science has failed humanity, and we had no idea how to fix it.”
Mike: “But you did, eventually. Right?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Eventually, yes. I regret those early decisions with all my heart.”
Mike: “You thought you were doing the right thing. You were trying to help.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Millions still suffered, and the blame lies solely with us. We should have known better.”
Mike: “I understand. So, how did you fix these mistakes and stabilize the weather?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “We had help.”
Mike: “From God?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “If I weren’t a man of science, it might as well have been divine intervention, indeed.”
Mike: “What happened?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “We were running in circles, using all our collective knowledge to try and tame the weather, but to no avail. As soon as we fixed one area, a problem arose in another. We killed one hurricane, but it caused a tsunami somewhere else. We stopped a drought, but it caused floods on the other side of the globe. We extracted CO2 from the atmosphere only to see whole rainforests disappear overnight. We were running in circles, making one mistake after another, and things kept getting worse and worse. It all seemed hopeless. We were desperate, so, so desperate (silence).”
Mike: “And then?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “We gave up.”
Mike: “What do you mean, you gave up? You stopped manipulating the weather?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Yes. We stopped. We locked up all the equipment, forbade any human interference, and decided it was best that nature heals what we’ve broken.”
Mike: “And that work?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Unfortunately, no. It got worse. A lot worse. You can’t imagine what that year was like.”
Mike: “I’m sure I can’t. I don’t understand how that helped?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “It forced all the nations of the Earth to unite on this topic. We could no longer play with the weather as individual entities. We need to be completely united.”
Mike: “That’s all?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “No. Once that was achieved, we collectively decided to hand over all the decisions regarding weather management to artificial intelligence. Excluding the human factor and politics, we believed AI could make the best decisions for us.
It was a monumental task - a work in progress for decades, but now it was ready. This AI, we called “Weatherman,” was built on a combination of quantum computing and supercomputing and had been taught to understand the infinitely complex systems of the planet’s ecosystem and weather patterns.”
Mike: “Did it work?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Yes. It still controls everything.”
Mike: “Wow! That’s great.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Yes and no. The good part is that our planet is back to normal. The bad part is we’ve learned not to mess with it and have made a pact never to interfere with the weather again. It’s entirely out of our control.”
Mike: “You don’t control this AI Weatherman at all?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “No. We tried to influence its decisions, but it only led to more problems. All the simulations have proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that the only way to maintain a balance on this planet is not to interfere.”
Mike: “No offense, doctor, but it seems like you’ve roundtripped this whole weather manipulation thing. You’re exactly where you were before you started messing with the weather. Am I wrong in thinking this?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “No. You are correct. You’re missing one small detail, though, I’m afraid.”
Mike: “What am I missing?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “The Earth’s ecosystem used to run all on its own, without any interference from us, and everything was relatively okay, with occasional imbalances that self-corrected. Now, we have to constantly monitor and manage billions of factors to maintain this precious balance. It’s as if your body could no longer breathe, digest, and circulate blood on its own. You now have to oversee all of those infinite operations just to survive. You may have a better, more efficient body, but you can’t miss a beat, so to speak, or you will die.”
Mike: “That sounds terrifying!”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Indeed. What happens if our AI Weatherman goes dark? What happens if a solar flair knocks out our electricity? By this point in time, I firmly believe it would be the end of humanity. Such is the fragility of our system.”
Mike: “I am speechless. (silence on both sides) How does this Weatherman, the AI that controls your planet, manipulate the weather?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Weatherman controls billions of systems on this planet, in orbit, and further in space. It precisely calculates what is needed, the amount of sunshine and precipitation, and uses an almost infinite amount of sensors to determine what is happening with this planet at every moment. From the smallest tremors to the tiniest imbalances and temperature changes. It then reacts and adjusts in real-time.”
Mike: “Did Weatherman AI also invent new technology for weather manipulation?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Artificial intelligence was very helpful in creating the most sophisticated systems imaginable. However, it cannot create new things on its own. That is our failsafe.”
Mike: “But it can wipe out humanity through controlling the sun and the weather?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “It doesn’t control the sun. What it can do is determine how much radiation is allowed to what part of the world and how much direct sunlight, with varying degrees of intensity, is hitting our atmosphere, using large mirrors and lenses in space. But yes, theoretically, it could kill us all if it wanted. But, you see - Weatherman is not sentient. It doesn’t want things. It’s a program, nothing more. An incredibly complex and highly evolved program that executes its primary function.”
Mike: “Which is protecting humanity?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “No, Michael! Humanity must not be a factor in its decision-making.”
Mike: “Seriously?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Prioritizing humans was the primary cause of the mess we found ourselves in.
Mike: “I guess that’s true. So, what is its main function?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Its primary function is to maintain balance and ensure the most optimal weather and temperature conditions on planet Earth for all life, indiscriminately. Humans, animals, insects, plants, and sea creatures alike.”
Mike: “Seems rather risky, doesn’t it?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Ironically, being able to choose the weather and temperatures was the hidden risk we missed, not this. Nature never worried about humanity or animals, and we were all developing nicely. When humans took over, it was about satisfying our desires and needs.”
Mike: “That was sort of the point, no? What’s so bad about wanting good weather for yourself and your needs?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “In theory, nothing. In practical application, however, there was always a price to be paid. Somewhere, by someone.”
Mike: “Can you give me an example?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Say, you wanted to have a nice sunny day for your wedding. You paid for your weather preference slot and got your wish. If you had the money, of course.”
Mike: “You could do that? What?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “With enough money, you could do anything you wanted regarding weather.”
Mike: “Insane!”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Indeed. Anyway, if the ecosystem demanded rain on this day, and you chose to disperse the clouds, you created an error in the balance of the ecosystem. One small change here and there didn’t mean much. But we did it at scale!”
Mike: “What kind of a scale are we talking about?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Imagine, if you will, that every wealthy individual could pay for the desired temperature and weather in his location. The same then applied to large farms and companies, putting smaller competition out of business. Then, we tried to prevent flooding, excessive rainfall, and droughts. We kept interfering with the ecosystem without realizing we were causing ripples around the planet. The system worked wonders for those with money and power, but it resulted in unfortunate weather patterns where the pressure cooker of our manipulation had to be released. Not to mention that managing all those interests simultaneously was impossible, and since we needed the funding, money was the determining factor, not science.”
Mike: “Money makes the world go around, I suppose.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Not anymore. At least not when it comes to weather management. We closed the system on purpose to ensure that it was impossible to manipulate data or influence the Weatherman’s decisions. It was the triumph of the greater good over individual desires.”
Mike: “Have there been any attempts at hacking the system or bribing your personnel?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Of course. Men with power will always be selfish creatures. We must learn to work around that, preventing their influence, and not count on the betterment of human nature.”
Mike: “Wise words. I have to ask - can you perhaps tell us about some of the more advanced weather control systems you use?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Have you learned nothing from our conversation?”
Mike: “I’ve known not to play God for a long time, Dr. Fitzgerald. However, I highly doubt that scientists on my Earth will stop trying to be smarter than nature. Perhaps we can help them avoid certain pitfalls and learn from your mistakes?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “I suppose what you’re saying is somewhat true. It is the nature of science to be curious and try to improve our understanding of the universe and to progress humanity forward. Most of the systems we used before Weatherman took over are rather simple, and I’m sure your scientists will figure them out in due time.”
Mike: “Ionization, silver iodide, and space mirrors?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Ha-ha. If only it were that simple. All I’ll say is that nanotechnology was the biggest advancement in weather manipulation. But it only works in combination with a competent artificial intelligence program with an unreasonable amount of real-time data at its disposal.”
Mike: “What do nanobots have to do with weather manipulation?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Weather management, Michael.”
Mike: “Yes. That.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Nano-particles are designed to either absorb or reflect solar radiation, influencing local temperatures and cloud formation. Once in place, they are self-replicating and always ready for programable input, cutting reaction time to nearly zero and working in unison as part of a vast network.”
Mike: “How do nano-particles influence the weather?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “By altering the charge of atoms in the atmosphere. We can use nanotechnology to cool or heat the atmosphere or even the ocean, for example. It can even reflect, diminish, or enhance the Sun’s radiation. I must warn you, Michael. I will not go into more detail about this technology.”
Mike: “Fair enough. Based on your experience, is there something you would advise our scientist to avoid pursuing regarding weather manipu… management technologies?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “I’d advise against playing with Geomagnetic and Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) technology, as both have had some troubling consequences even in the testing phases. Good enough?”
Mike: “Never, but it’ll have to do. Any final words of wisdom before we end this interview?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Yes. If you choose to go down this route of active weather management, take care of the basics first. Only attempt this problem as a united front, composed of all governments, on the scale of the whole planet, and make sure to only interfere in the planet’s weather patterns when absolutely necessary to save lives.”
Mike: “Got it. Don’t overdo it, and form an international organization to avoid causing more harm than good.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Something like that. I do have a request for you, Michael. If you’ll indulge me?”
Mike: “Of course. What can I do for you?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Could you please send me the weather patterns, precipitation, and temperature data for your Earth? As far back as you could, please?”
Mike: “Am, I don’t have access to that data.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “I’m sure most of it is public knowledge and widely accessible. Anything would help. I know compiling it will take some time, but I would deeply appreciate it.”
Mike: “I’ll see what I can do, Dr. Fitzgerald. Why, if I may ask, do you need this meteorological data?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “I would like to compare your numbers and our data and run some simulations. It would also be beneficial to feed this data to Weatherman to see how the ecosystem works without human interference, establishing a “default benchmark,” if you know my meaning?”
Mike: “I don’t see any problem with that. I’m not sure we qualify as a non-human influence ecosystem, though.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Oh? Why not? I thought you said you only play with cloud seeding and hail prevention?”
Mike: “That is widely used, yes, but I don’t know what the governments are doing in secrecy, like with HAARP technology, and it’s not like we haven’t left a footprint on our planet.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “HAARP is but a fart in the wind, inconsequential in regards to atmospheric changes. Am I right to assume you mean overpopulation and CO2 levels in the atmosphere when you’re talking about the human footprint?”
Mike: “I guess. I don’t know.”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Good. Don’t worry about that. One has nothing to do with the other, but I’m not here to burst your bubble. Apparently, you are less evolved than I previously thought. This is great news.”
Mike: “It is?”
Dr. Malcolm Fitzgerald: “Yes. It means the data will be uncorrupted and usable. Do send it when you get the chance. Thank you, Michael. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go. It was a pleasure.”
Mike: “Deal. Thank you for your time, Dr. Fitzgerald.
I guess that’s it for this episode of Interdimensional Talks. Weather manipulation, or weather management, as the good doctor kept correcting me, does work. We could all have only fair weather and consequently nothing to talk about with our neighbors, but someone on the other side of the world would pay the price.
I’m not sure why most of our guests end up being cautionary tales for our reality, but it is what it is. We all make mistakes, and I suppose we want others to learn from our failures instead of following in our footsteps.
I’ve always been weary of playing God because I predicted that nature might have something to say about it. When we interfere with natural cycles, we are messing with an ecosystem so complex, sensitive, and interconnected that we really should know better. There is no way we, mere humans, can understand all of those connections and patterns and control them all. Artificial intelligence, maybe. Humans, never.
Perhaps the smarter path would be a better prediction model and the ability to adapt to natural changes without trying to mess with them ourselves. Earth has been here billions of years before humanity and will be billions of years after we’re all gone. The hubris it takes to think we know better is mind-boggling. We’re nothing more than a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. Maybe we should start acting like it. Mike out!”
THE END
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