Am I Dead? - My Afterlife Experience (Chapter 1)
A short, fictional story of my death and my experience of the afterlife. Did I go to heaven or hell? What, if anything, awaits us after we die? Follow along and find out.
Short Story: My Afterlife Experience
Chapter One - the end of my mortal life
I was raised a devoted catholic. As I’m sure you know, the reward for a good life here on Earth is the promise of eternal life in some other world. A world called heaven—a place where there are no problems, sorrow, hate, loss, or violence. The thought of reaching heaven someday has gotten me through some tough times. I believed that regardless of how challenging things would get, I would be free of all the misery once I died. In the Lord’s hands, I would be set free.
I had lived a good life, I think. I had loved, and I had felt the pain of loss. I had given, and I had received. I was a father, a husband, a good man. When I felt my last hours on this plane of existence were ticking away, I felt at peace. At first, I fought to live a little longer, to see my grandchildren grow up, and to be there for my family, but at some point, I simply gave up. I had felt the change within me.
I felt the heaven calling me, and I answered. I was ready. I had made my goodbyes, hoping to see my loved ones again, in another world, in another time. I was now ready to meet my maker. I have never felt such peace within, such indescribable tranquility. Even the pain of my feeble, rotting body has subsided. I have no more fight left in me. Come and take me into your loving arms, oh Lord.
I don’t recall how it happened. The last thing I remember is peacefully falling asleep, like I have so many times before, reading a book. I heard the thump as the book fell out of my hands, but to my surprise, I didn’t wake up in the hospital bed. I woke up somewhere else, someone else.
I was confused. I felt like me, but I wasn’t me. Things around me looked real, but they weren’t real. I could see and touch things, but it felt unnatural. I woke up in an empty room that kept shifting in and out of my perception. It was as if I was trying to focus my eyes but couldn’t quite get there. I saw something, but I wasn’t sure what I saw. Then, a friendly face finally appeared.
“Do I know you?” I asked, all confused. She felt familiar, but I couldn’t tell you who she was or where I knew her from.
“We’ve met, darling. I’m not sure how much you remember, though. Do you know where you are?” she said.
“In a hospital,” I blurted without thinking, but as the words came out of my mouth, I knew that wasn’t true anymore. “I was in a hospital, and then… I think I fell asleep. So…”
“Don’t worry. It’s perfectly normal to feel disoriented. No need to rush things. It’ll all come back to you. Just give it time,” she said.
“Why can’t I see? I’m having problems focusing. It’s all a blur. Is this normal, too?” I asked.
“Yes, yes. All perfectly normal. The transition is always a bit tricky, and it takes some time for our minds to accept the new reality.”
“What new reality? What are you talking about?” I asked, getting frustrated with vague answers and an even vaguer picture.
“It’s kind of hard to explain. Maybe it’s better if I show you,” she answered.
“What’s hard to explain, ma'am? What is going on here? What is this place?”
“You’re home. You’ve been away for a long time, and now you’ve returned home,” she explained.
“I’m not in a hospital anymore? How did I get home? Who…?”
“Not that home, your real home. That life is over for you.”
“I don’t understand,” I admitted. “Did I die?”
“Yes and no,” she replied. “I know you’re feeling confused. Everyone is when they transition. But you have nothing to worry about. Everything is okay. You are perfectly safe. You’re finally home.”
“I like you, lady. You seem nice, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I know. Don’t worry. Your memories will come back. Soon, it will all make sense again. For now, just try to relax and allow your mind to acclimate to this reality.”
“Okay. It’s not like I have a choice. I don’t appear to be able to move.”
“Again, all perfectly normal. We move around differently here. Your mind and your sense of surroundings haven’t adapted yet, but they will. You still think you’re on…” she said, but I fell asleep before she could finish her sentence. It was all too much to handle, yet I wasn’t afraid. Confused and disoriented, yes; scared, no. I dreamed of my life. It was one of those weird recollection dreams that felt like your whole life had just replayed in your sleep.
When I opened my eyes again, what I assumed was the following day, I woke up in my old house and my bed. I could smell my sheets again, and I exhaled a breath of relief.
“So, it was all just a bad dream,” I said aloud to affirm I was still here and jumped out of bed. I walked to my kitchen, following the sweet aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Oh, how I’ve missed that smell. I was truly home.
As I stepped through the kitchen door, I saw the same lady from my dreams sitting at my table, drinking coffee. I noticed a cup was waiting for me, so I sat down and faced the lady with a look that told her everything she needed to know. She said nothing and just looked at me with freakishly kind eyes and what would appear to be an infinite amount of patience. I could have sworn I felt love emanating from that woman. A woman I’ve never met but somehow knew.
“How’s the coffee?” she asked.
I took a sip, and well, the coffee was fine. The intoxicating elixir of life that makes everything better. Just like I remember it. I wasn’t allowed coffee in the hospital. Something about it being dangerous for my health. Morons! I was on my dying bed. It’s not like I was going to…
“Wait a minute? I’m not allowed to drink coffee anymore. If you’re a nurse, you know this.”
“Go on,” she patiently encouraged.
“So this means that… But this is my home, is it? I am not in the hospital, and I’m not really home.” I said. She just smiled and allowed me to continue.
I exhaled aloud in a sign of the ultimate realization, “I am dead. None of this is real. Right?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“So, now what?” I asked.
“Now, you continue where you left off before you started your adventure on Earth. Now you return home. Your real home, in your actual reality. In your true form. Welcome back, friend.”
Her words made no sense and yet made all the sense in the world. I felt that she was telling the truth. On some level, I knew it. I had died. My life, as I knew it, was over. I thought I would feel sad about leaving my loved ones behind, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t happy either. I honestly don’t know how to explain it.
It felt weird and natural at the same time. I decided to just go with it and see where it would take me. Why resist? I had nothing left to lose. Besides, she seemed nice, not like some devil in hell, so I must be at the right place, I thought.
“So this is death. Fine, but I don’t feel dead,” I said, looking at her for answers.
“That’s because you’re not. Your life in the Earth realm has ended, but death in there is not the real death. In fact, there is no death as you remember it.”
“Go on, I’m listening.”
“Your whole life on Earth, the planet, the people, the animals and plants - none of it is real. It’s all just a projection. A hologram, a dream, a game, a play, if you will. A lot of names, but none of them quite do it justice. Earth realm is a very special place.”
“I’m an old man, lady. I don’t know what any of that means. Speak English, please. Keep it simple for me, will you?”
“Funny you should say that. You have no idea how ancient you are, old friend.”
“Well, I’m not that old. Eight-four is nothing special these days.”
“Earth years mean nothing out here. What was a lifetime for you there is nothing compared to your whole existence.”
“Are you talking metaphors?” I asked.
“Not at all, but it’s hard to explain. It will come back. Once your memories return, everything will make sense again.”
“You promise?”
“I promise. This is not our first time, dear one. We’ve been here before, and I've no doubt we’ll find ourselves having this conversation again sometime in the future.”
“That’s a mighty big thing to forget, don’t you think?”
“Yes. That’s the whole idea.”
“If you say so. So now what? What happens next?” I asked with anticipation.
“Finish your coffee, and then we’ll walk through that door into your new, old life. Well, real life, anyway. Don’t worry. I’ll stay by your side until you get your memories back.”
I poured that hot coffee down my throat before she even finished that sentence and exclaimed, “I’m ready! Let’s go.”
“When we step outside these doors, this house will disappear. I hope you’ve said your goodbyes because that’s the last time you’ll ever see.”
“I have. I’m ready. Lead the way.”
She opened the door, and on the other side, there was nothing. Emptiness. A void. Black, but not even that. Just a vast, empty space. I hesitated to step outside for fear of falling into that void.
“Wait a second!” I said. “How will I breathe out there? There’s nothing…”
“You’re not really breathing, friend. That part of you is dead, remember?”
“But I am breathing. Look,” and I inhaled and exhaled deeply and loudly to make my point.
“You also think you have a body and are actually walking on this floor, holding my physical hand, but…”
“I’m not? How is this possible? It feels so real.”
“It’s all in your mind. There is no real material existence for us. We’re ethereal beings. We have no form and no body. We are pure energy, a mind, a soul, if you will.”
The word soul was tangible to me and the first thing that made any sense. I have a soul. No, I am a soul. It reaffirmed that I was truly dead and this was some weird afterlife experience or a dream. I still haven’t ruled that one out. But what does being a soul look like? How does it feel? What does a soul even do?
“Okay, so how does this work?” I asked, “I can’t just stop breathing.”
“You don’t have to worry about any of that. It’s all just in your imagination, anyway. Like I said, you’re not really breathing. You’re not actually in your home. This is not your real body.”
“But it feels like it is?”
“Yes, that’s the magic. That’s the whole point. You imagine something, and it appears real and tangible to your mind. You perceive everything through your mind. How would you even know the difference between something real and not real if it shows up in your mind as real? You were used to living in what you perceived as a material world on Earth. Everything had to make sense. It was all atoms and molecules. Everything had structure. It was real - to you. But in reality, none of it is.”
“None of it?”
“Not a single thing. Not in the way you think of material and real.”
“Lady, I don’t like what you’re saying. So, nothing I had experienced was real? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No, no! Your experiences were real. Your love, pain, joy, sorrow, these were real emotions. That’s why we do the whole Earth adventure thing. The stories around them were not. You know when you watch a movie, and it gets to you? You get all emotional and feel for the characters, and what happens to them? Even though you know it’s all fake, a scripted, made-up story with actors portraying the characters, it doesn’t matter. At that moment, you feel what they are supposed to feel. You experience those emotions fully as if they were happening to you personally.”
“My life was not a movie!” I protested. “My wife and children were not some actors.” I felt a rage waking up within me.
“I see. Perhaps we’re taking this too fast. Maybe you’re not ready yet. Okay. Let’s just go outside, and I’ll show you the real world, and we’ll take it from there.”
“Whatever,” I reapplied.
“Close your eyes,” she instructed and grabbed my hand, or so it felt, as we jumped through the door into the open space of nothingness.
“Keep them closed,” she affirmed, and I felt like we were just effortlessly drifting through open space. Not even air, as there was no friction, no nothing. No gravity and no resistance.
“Now imagine a road beneath you. It can be any kind of a road or a path. Imagine it vividly. Make it real in your mind. Can you see it?”
I did as she asked. I imagined a beautiful stone road in some magical place I once saw in a movie. I don’t know why. I just did. “Yes,” I replied. “I can see it.”
“Good. Now open your eyes!”
As I opened my eyes, the road was still there, just as I had imagined it to be.
“How is this possible? Why can I see this road with my eyes? How is this road here?” I asked, completely bewildered.
“It’s not real, and it’s not here. And guess what? You’re not looking at it through your eyes, either. You’re dead, remember. You don’t have a body anymore. That means that…”
“I don’t have eyes. But… how can I see then?”
“You’re not seeing as much as projecting.”
“English, please!”
“You’re not seeing something that is objectively there. You imagine it beneath your feet and how it feels to touch the ground. But none of it is real. It just feels real. It’s all in your mind. It’s indistinguishable from what you used to perceive as reality.”
“I don’t understand any of this.”
“You’re creating a movie and simultaneously living in it.”
“This isn’t helping, lady.”
“Would it help if I told you I’m no lady?”
“What?” I asked, but then it hit me. “Of course, you’re not. There are no bodies here. None of this is real. What the hell is going on here?”
“Not hell either. What did you think would happen after you died?”
“That I would go to heaven.”
“Right. So, how did you imagine heaven would look like?”
“I don’t know. Not like this! That’s for sure.”
“Humor me,” she insisted.
“I don’t know. A place above the clouds. Some magical realm made by the Gods, without suffering and pain, where everyone was happy and had everything they needed. A place where dreams come true. A happy place without limitations.”
She stayed silent, and that sneaky little smile crept onto her lips. She was looking at me through eyes that weren’t real while biting her lips that weren’t real, on a face that apparently wasn’t real either, on a stone road I was told I had just made up. Aaaaa!
“You do hear yourself, right?” she asked. “You’re describing this place to the letter.”
“No, that can’t be. I was just… What? No!”
“Yes! On some level, we all feel our true reality and what awaits us after we die in the Earth realm. We may not know it. It’s not tangible, but we sense its truth somewhere deep within. We don’t remember, but we feel that there is something more out there. This is it.”
“So this is heaven, then? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No, this is the real world. You are now the real you. You just don’t have all your memories yet. The life on planet Earth is heaven. That’s the paradise we created to enjoy for short periods of time.”
“I’m sorry. What now?”
“We are ethereal beings. We have no problems. We have no bodies to take care of. We have no physical needs. We are happy, or perhaps the better word would be unbothered. We can do what we want, how, and when we want. There are no limitations for us. This world is what we make it out to be. Literally. We can dream up any world or scene at our pleasure.”
“I don’t see the problem, lady. That sounds nice.”
“The problem is we get bored. You got bored as well. That’s why you chose a new role, a narrative, your earthly parents, and the challenges you will have to face, to some extent.”
“Even for you, this is starting to sound a little crazy,” I objected.
“In a few days, the memories will return, and you will understand it all.”
“So, I got bored of heaven and willingly decided of my own free will…”
“Yes, yes, of your own free will.”
“...to go through a life on Earth as a mortal. You’re saying I chose to suffer, work hard, love, and feel the sting of loss. The hardship… all of it was my choice?”
“Exactly!”
“Who in their right mind would ever choose that?”
“Well, you did. Most of us do, every once in a while.”
“You’ve been to Earth as a mortal woman and can remember it all now?”
“A man, actually. A few times. And then some other species in other simulated realms. It doesn’t matter. This whole being an earthly woman thing is new to me. I kind of like it. How am I doing?”
“Great. I understand you about as much as I understood any other woman ever. You make about as much sense, as well.”
“Ha, ha! I’m glad. I thought you would appreciate the effort.”
“That wasn’t a compliment. You know what, never mind. So you lot are a bunch of non-physical entities, flying fucking fairies, with no bodies, who get bored of being happy and having everything you want, and choose to what? Pretend to be human for a while? I’m bored. Oh, I know. I’ll go and torment myself on a little place called Earth because that sounds like fun! Am I getting this right?”
“You lot includes your perky ass as well, old man. This Earthly ride made you into a proper asshole. I preferred the flying fairy version of you, to be honest.”
“Bite me! This isn’t easy for me, and you’re not helping with your nonsense.”
“It’s not nonsense. It’s the truth. There’s no need to be difficult. It’s just going to take some time and…”
“So, who do I call to get another person to help me? You’re fucking useless. Is there a manager I can contact? Wait, is that God?”
That realization shook me up like an electric shock! What if it is God with a capital G, and I was just insulting his angel? Fuck! Leave it to me to screw up my orientation to heaven. Typical!
“Don’t be silly. I can’t believe I volunteered to be the one to bring you back. You ungrateful old fool.”
“Tough luck. I didn’t choose to be here.”
“Actually, you did,” she reminded me calmly. “You got bored of the heavenly paradise and chose to enter the simulation of a mortal Earthly human so you could feel alive again, and now I have the pleasure of bringing you back. You’re just experiencing withdrawal symptoms, that’s all.”
“Say I buy into your bullshit. If this is the real world, where is everyone? Where are all the fairies hiding? I don’t see anyone.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“Ready for what? Seeing a bunch of non-corporeal fairies flying around? Yeah, I think I can handle that.”
“Wery well. Close your eyes and clear your mind of everything—all the sounds, images, memories. Keep clearing until everything is gone, and you achieve the perfect silence and emptiness. Do it now.”
I did as she, he, or it, whatever they - we call ourselves. God dammit, this is hard! I closed my eyes and stared at the blank emptiness. As the images or sounds appeared, I could hear her remind me not to follow but simply ignore them and refocus on the empty space. The nothingness. The silence.
She guided me through this mental process, and I felt a strange calm overcome me. The more the images dissipated and the sounds disappeared, the more at peace I became. Is this what meditation was all about? I wondered. Then I heard her calling me back into the emptiness and silence.
I don’t know how long it took, but there was only silence and nothingness after a while, and it felt phenomenal. It felt like home. It felt like happiness. I felt grounded and exactly where I was supposed to be. I got lost in the pleasant, endless nothingness within my mind. It felt so good, like being cuddled by God’s bosom as if he were a loving woman. I felt at home. I felt at peace.
Then I heard her say, “Open your eyes now.”
To be continued…
The whole series thus far:
Flying on the Orange Planet - My Afterlife Experience (Chapter 3)
Reunion in the Sky City - My Afterlife Experience (Chapter 4)
I Can Be Whoever I Want? - My Afterlife Experience (Chapter 5)
The Shock and the Happy Ending, or Was It? - My Afterlife Experience (Chapters 6&7)
I Made a Grave Mistake! - My Afterlife Experience (Bonus Chapter)
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This is incredible, and so moving!